DJ & Hurt

I am writing this as a farewell. I had a 3 yr. relationship, was ghosted the 1st year and did not realize it, went to his house and apologized for really doing nothing to be ghosted for... The 1st time it was 7 wks, but this time it has been since last mid-Sept. and now its mid-March. I got away and em Spain, away from home in FL, and spending 80 some days. I came to Spain to get over this, and I am doing it.. I think. I feel angry, not only for myself, but for all the other people too, that he ghosted in our neighborhood where we live. He has not talked to any1, except 1 couple. I feel angry that he has not had the courage to talk to his elderly lady neighbor who is 99, and soon to be 100 in May. & all the other 1's he has not talked to since his ghosting.. I don't understand and I guess I never will, but I am thankful that I have the courage to talk about it and get the pain out of my system ad life.. I feel he's not a good person, and that's it. Coming to Spain was my way of proving to myself, that I don't have to have some1 to be whole. And that I can take care of myself, without some1's planning... etc. & that I don't need their money to survive, and travel. That I have enough to travel & enjoy life without some1's help or money to do so. He was always checking his investment accounts.... and why? I am in my later years, and guess I thought it was nice to have some1 to travel with & spend time with. I have girlfriends that treat me much better than any male relationship could. I am going to make a plan to spend my time investing in those relationships, than with a male. When I return home, to FL, I am going to make a plan on learning how to dance.. I have always felt self-conscious of getting up & dancing in any environment. I am gong to invest the time, in finally do this for my self, to make myself feel more confident. I have had all the feelings of like going through a divorce, but much worse, because their was no closure & I feel I have to make my own closure, and writing this down, will be the closure, without waiting for it to happen from the other side.. & I can look to myself as the brave 1 in making it happen and finalize the whole relationship. I am sorry it happened, but there must be a lesson somewhere in this whole event, that I am not getting, but I will do my best to ask questions before entering the next relationship, even though their would be no guarantee of the outcome. U can't control some1 in a relationship, but u can only hope that u don't have to go through the pain and hurt again.